ON ‘MAMA PEACE’ AND HER ‘PEACEFUL’ BLUNDERS

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I must confess, many times in the past, I have thought them exaggerations, all the viral posts on social media that supposedly point out the shameful grammatical blunders or hilarious outbursts of Mrs Patience Dame Jonathan, alias Mama Peace, the first lady and wife of President Goodluck Ebele Jonathan of Nigeria.

However, after seeing for myself a recent video in which she literally humiliated herself on national TV, I might just believe any remark credited to her henceforth. It may not even be out of place to suggest that a separate set elections be conducted  for the office of the First Lady in subsequent elections; or that there be a constitutional provision for both a ‘first lady; kitchen’, and ‘first lady; publicity’. 🙂

Here is a transcript of her most recent outburst [or ’emotional display’ as put by Channels TV].The words in bold are her words, while others aren’t.


Do you come with two teachers?

No [comes the reply].

You were not informed too? Ehn?

Continue. No problem. God will see us. There is God. [With a raised voice], there is God in everything we are doing. Those bloods, that are sharing in Bornu, will answer … What of two teachers, WAEC, two teacher, two, ehn what of two teachers that can tell us that they conducted that exam? Do you come with any? ‘Prispal’?

Ma [says Principal].

No too?

Yes [replies Principal].

Na only you waka come, okay …[Again, raising her voice], now the first lady is calling you, come, I want to help you. Come to find your pa…, your child, your missing child. Will you keep quiet?

Nooo [All murmur in unison].

Chai! Chai! There is God o! Theeere is Good ooo! The bloods we are sharing, there is God o. [Crying now], there is God o, there is God o, there is God. Theeere is Good o, eeeee [crying loudly, clearing tears with handkerchief].

Please can you change your camera [says a male voice from the back].

 


THESE ARE SOME OF HER PAST UTTERANCES ACCORDING TO NEWSINNIGERIA.ORG

Can’t vouch for the veracity of most of them though.

1. My husband and Sambo is a good people (Imagine)

2. The President was once a child and the senators were once a children.

3. My fellow widows.

4. A good mother takes care of his children.

5. The people sitting before you were once a children.

6. Yes we are all happy for the effort, it is not easy to carry second in an international competition like this one,(addressing press men after Female Under-19 FIFA World Cup).

7. The bombers who born them? Wasn’t it not a woman? They were once a children now a adult now they are bombing women and children making some children a widow.

8. My heart feels sorry for these children who have become widows for losing their parents for one reason or another.

9. We should have love for our fellow Nigerians irrespective of their NATIONALITY

10. Thank God the Doctors and Nurses are responding to treatment.

11. I would rather kill myself instead of committing suicide.

12. Ojukwu is a great man, he died but his manhood lives on.

13. On behalf of 2million, I donate my family.

14. Why will boko haram bomb last churches on christmas day, they don’t have respect for Jesus, they are a very bad person, in fact I’m a sadder woman right now and Mr.President is more saddest.

15. We all have HIV.


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FREE AND FAIR ELECTION IN 2015: HOW FEASIBLE?

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FREE AND FAIR ELECTION IN 2015: HOW FEASIBLE?

THE WINNING SPEECH DELIVERED AT THE FINAL ROUND, IN-HOUSE SPEAKING CHAMPIONSHIP, ORGANISED BY THE LITERARY AND DEBATING SOCIETY, FACULTY OF LAW, UI.

Duration: 5 minutes.

Date: 14th Day Of March, 2014.


It is indeed a historic day. A day that has been anticipated for four long years. A day that has generated much dispute and quarrels. A day, the only day, that sovereignty truly belongs to the people. On this day, we see people: male and female, juvenile and senile, children and their parents, the leaders and the led; everybody marching to the same location, harbouring the same intention, to engage in the same action. The day is the 14th day of February, a Saturday, the Election Day. And coincidentally, Valentine’s Day.

Good afternoon friends, brethren, ladies and gentlemen. My name is Adebajo Adekunle Adefisayo, and I am here at this event to share my thought on the question: FREE AND FAIR ELECTION IN 2015, HOW FEASIBLE?

Let us cast our minds back in history. On June 12, 1993, millions of Nigerians voted in an election that is widely acknowledged as the best in the history of the nation. The elections were properly planned and conducted. There were pre-election debates, making it easy to know the candidate who is truly brilliant and the one who only has a charming smile. People voted and when it was obvious that MKO Abiola would be declared winner, his rival, Bashir Tofa was said to have sent him a congratulatory message, showing a spirit of comradeship. Records have it that has the results were being declared, prices of goods and services were dropping. Some businessmen even refused to be paid because they were glad that hope has finally come to the people. Unfortunately, this memorable election was annulled by the then Military ruler, Ibrahim Babangida.

Fast-forward to 20 years later, elections in Nigeria are nothing to write home about. It is in Nigeria that politicians tear one another’s posters all because of power. It is in Nigeria that you will see a presidential aspirant being invited for a debate by the people and rather than grace the invitation, he decides to be grooving with a popular musician. Yet, he still wins. It is in Nigeria that you find party loyalists at polling booths offering ₦500 and cups of Garri to voters to ‘buy’ their mandate. It is in Nigeria that thuggery during the electioneering process is a normal thing. When thugs do show up at a polling unit, the voters gladly welcome them asking why they came late. In short, 20 years later, elections in Nigeria are increasingly decreasing in credibility. They are only getting better at getting worse.

Now, 2015 is in the corner. We are still seeing a lot of abnormalities in the system. The recent activities of INEC have brought little or no hope, most especially the November 16, 2013 gubernatorial election in Anambra state which left many in a state of utter confusion. Nigerians have lost confidence in the commission, so much so that we invented a new expression, Jega, meaning ‘the act of stupidly wasting the time of a lot of people whilst keeping them under the sun.’

But then, Professor Attahiru Jega has (has contained in an article of the Sun newspaper published Tuesday, March 11) promised us that new machineries are in place to prevent rigging in the coming elections. It will not be business as usual. Permanent voters’ cards will be distributed without which a person cannot vote. On getting to the polling unit, a machine will be present to verify the voter’s passport and fingerprint, making it impossible for politicians to buy voters’ cards.

That said, I believe that very soon, the story will change. I believe that the 2015 election will not only be free, it will not only be fair; it will be first class. In fact, better than what we saw in 1993. If only we are willing to sacrifice. If only our leaders will do away with thirst for power; if they will be concerned about the welfare of the people and not the well-being of their pockets. If they will be true statesmen and not politricksters, because as James C Freeman aptly said; ‘a politician thinks of the next election. A statesman, of the next generation.’

In conclusion, I would say: Let us be positive thinkers. A positive thinker sees the invisible, hears the inaudible, feels the intangible and achieves the impossible. Let us be positive thinkers, and in essence great achievers, by seeing that freedom and fairness in the 2015 election is much feasible.

God bless Nigeria! God bless you!

Thank you!

THE LAST DOSE?

STRIKE NO MORE.

 1…7…0, 1…7…0, what is it again?

I try and try, but all ends in vain

1…7…0, 1…7…0, I can’t seem to remember

Those six little figures… my poor matric number!

 

I am the unfortunate Nigerian student

Hardworking, ambitious, always compliant

I am the bone-eating son of a butcher

Who none cares for a second to look after

 

While busy sipping from the Pierian Spring

The fountain went dry, an event unforeseen

The unions cut short our bid to know

Even ‘IFA’ oracle insisted we must go

Confused and dejected, we packed our bags

Thinking that the next day, we’ll be back

But days turned to weeks, weeks to months

We waited and waited, all came to naught

 

At first, to the union, we showed sympathy

But then, the issue became just too lengthy

No more were some on the fence

To all, the strikers were now in defence

 

Some learnt teaching, bricklaying and carpentry

The rich ones, out of fear, swiftly left the country

Some hurriedly settled down to marry

Some could not endure, that they got heavy

 

Alas! At this time, many were buried

Here and there, you hear a student’s obituary

But no! We did not suffer alone

The great union also lost one of its own

 

Our market women cried enough is enough

A Lagos lawyer said we can’t take it no more

Igbo youths were paid to pressure the union

Vanity upon vanity, we were left in confusion

 

The government issues threats of no pay

When union protests, they chase them away

Go back to work, we have no money

So says the vile and chubby Harvard lady

 

 Promise after promise, offer after offer

Yet the union’s stance stands, it does not falter

Then came Goodluck, like a Deus ex machina

Union got thrilled, and forgot the grounds for fracas

 

Or so we thought…

Sadly, the royal meeting yielded no result

After 13 hours of nocturnal discourse

The season-film just never halts, not even a pause

 

The media mediated,

Sending us neither here nor there

Even a silly fella under @ASUU_Nigeria

Misled much through his twitter gear

 

The game is no longer interesting

The movie, no longer amusing

The union has lost its radiance

The students are no longer concerned

 

The government again issues threats

We will sack you all, they declare

Pro-Chancellors too did speak

Resume in a week or forever have your break

 

When all hope seemed buried and lost

The authorities agreed to pay somewhat

The union knew it the best they can muster

And to all’s joy, re-opened the Ivory Tower

 

When two mighty whales brawl

It is the planktons that really hurt

The strikers have gone on another repose

But I ask, is it a stop? Have we had the last dose?

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